Rubbish at weddings
by Ridel
Summary: The Doctor has always been rubbish at weddings...
1. Rubbish at weddings

She'd heard it said millions of times before, but today really was the happiest day of her life.

Ariel Craig (well, Ariel Johnson now) felt a rush as her new husband grabbed her excitedly by the hand and led her back onto the dance floor.

The wedding reception was a few hours in, and the combination of fierce hormones, fast music and a few glasses of Champaign all culminated in the most ridicules, carefree dancing that she had ever been party to.

"_What,_" she laughed breathlessly, "was the_ point?_"

"The point of what?" asked her husband, huge grin splitting his face as he executed a less than perfect heel twist.

"Of all those dance lessons we took! You look like you're having a seizure!"

"Who cares?" he laughed back. "It's our flippin' wedding!" He spun her around, then swept her up into a tangled mess of quick step, salsa and perhaps even a little disco dancing, though eye witness reports vary on that point.

When the song had ended and a new one took its place, Ariel left her husband dancing with the rest of the crowd and scanned the room for a place to take a quick breather.

Her eyes rested near a table where sat the maid of honor. There was a man sitting with her, and He seemed to be showing off some sort of photo album. He gestured widely at bits. Poor Madison looked utterly bewildered.

Ariel wasn't sure she recognized the man, so she hitched up her trailing skirt and made her way over to the table.

"Mind if I cut in?" she asked, walking up beside her best friend. Maddy turned her head quickly and gave Ariel a panicked look, but the gentleman across the table seemed more than happy to see her.

"Ariel Garnier," he said with a huge and lopsided smile. "Look at you. You are, absolutely brilliant. Isn't she brilliant? Congratulations." He stood and shook her hand emphatically. He was tall, wore a red bowtie, and seemed to her to have had a little too much to drink.

"Ah… Thank you?" she chuckled as the handshake ended.

"And it's Johnson now, actually." She said, flashing her wedding band with a cheeky grin. She wasn't sure where Garnier had come from, but she was in the mood to play along.

She looked at the man a little closer and realized that she really _couldn't _remember meeting him before.

"… Okay, this is going to sound really horrible, but have we met?" She asked, tilting her head to one side.

"Oh yes." said the man. "Once or twice, but I didn't look like this at the time. I was taller and my hair was more sort of… up." He tried to illustrate this with his hands. "I'm the Doctor."

Arial's brow furrowed, but her smile stayed in place as both she and the _'Doctor'_ sat back down. "Doctor Who?" she asked.

The man leaned back in his seat and nodded. "Yup that's me."

Arial glanced at Madison, but all the bridesmaid did was return a look of helplessness. Arial shrugged. "Alright then, whatever floats your boat." she said, drumming her hands on the table quickly. "So! What's this thing you were showing Maddie?"

"Ariel…" Madison warned quietly. But the man leaned forward and spun the book around for her to see.

"Pictures from the wedding." He said animatedly.

"Who's wedding? Yours?" Asked Ariel curiously.

The man shook his head.

"No no, I'm not married. Well I am, I think. But not yet. It's _your_ wedding. Popped a few days into the future, thought you might like a sneak peek at the album. Your photographer is fantastic!"

"What _Phil?"_ Ariel turned around and caught sight of the wedding photographer they'd hired. He'd been selected not so much for his technical skill or artistic eye, but because he was the only one they could afford. He stood at the buffet table with her aunt Stacey. In fact, she seemed to be helping him clean a stain off of his dress shirt.

"Ariel, I think you should-" Madison began, but the Doctor started talking again, as if she weren't there.

"This one's my favorite. Not many people get to have their wedding in the sapphire halls of Gelstenine."

Ariel turned back to the Doctor and frowned in confusion. "What are you _talking_ about?" She asked, and took the book in both hands.

It was indeed a photo album, and the pictures there in were absolutely gorgeous. But the wedding depicted was most definitely not hers.

For one thing the setting was different. Instead of the rented dance hall, the reception seemed to be taking place in some sort of ballroom. One of pure fairy tale proportions. On that note, the scale of the wedding was way beyond anything she could ever afford in her life time. And most importantly, the groom was _not _Ernie.

He was tall, and yes, handsome. A little older than Ernest, though maybe only by a few years.

The only thing that the weddings seemed to have in common, was the bride.

Ariel scrunched up her brow and looked harder at the pictures in front of her. The woman in the album was identical to her. Right down to the slight dimple on her left cheek. It was utterly surreal.

A cold feeling slowly crept over her as she continued to flip the pages. In each she saw herself, held lovingly in the arms of a complete stranger.

Even more disturbing was the way she looked back at him in the pictures. It was the same way she'd been looking at Ernest all evening.

With each turn of the page the fun of the situation dissolved. This was bizarre, and Ariel was no longer in the mood to play along with this Doctor's game. "What is this?" she asked in a monotone, slowly removing a folded piece of paper from a photo sleeve.

"That," slurred the Doctor pointing to the document. "Is a copy of the marriage certificate. Just a copy though. That's history _that_ is."

Ariel unfolded the paper and read it over. "This paper is dated three thousand and forty two." She said, finally looking up and giving the Doctor a confused, almost worried look. "What is… I don't get it."

A look of alarm slowly stole over his face. "What did you say the date was?" He asked, finally addressing Madison again.

"It's two thousand and ten you bloody nutter." Madison growled. She wasn't sure what she ought to have believed after the Doctor sat down and started showing her pictures of her best friends _second_ wedding. But the idea that he was a madman she never doubted for a moment.

"Why is that an issue. Who _are_ you?" Ariel demanded, her words taking on a frosted edge.

"Me? I am… Very early and very, very sorry." He reached forward to take the book but Ariel swung it behind her back and out of reach.

"Is this some sort of sick joke?" she asked, standing to her full height. "I just got married. And you show up with pictures of… Well I don't even know what this is!"

The doctor rounded the table quickly, the shock of his mistake seeming to clear his head a bit. "You're right, you're right it's a joke and I can see now it's not very funny. So why don't you just give me the book and I'll go." He made another grab for the album, but Ariel danced it out of reach once again.

"This is all a bit elaborate isn't it?" she hissed. "This woman," she opened the album and stabbed at a picture with her finger. "Who is she? How did you get her in on all this? And what's more, she looks pretty flippin' good for over a thousand years old! I mean, what is the point of this document?" she waved the marriage certificate harshly above her head. "It says here that I am now going to be one _Madam Ariel Garnier._ I can't even speak French!"

"Well then it must not be you." The Doctor leaned forward and snatched the album along with the marriage certificate away from the fuming bride. He took a few steps back and folded the paper carefully into a vacant photo sleeve. "There. Sorry about the mix up. It's probably best if you just, forget the whole thing ever happened." He took a few more steps back before turning around and walking away. Though it was very nearly a sprint.

"Oh the hell you do." Ariel snarled and hitched up her skirt. The Doctor picked up speed when he heard the foreboding click clacking of stiletto heels behind him. He ducked out of the dance hall and into a deserted hallway. His shoes were much better adapted for general fleeing than hers were for hot pursuit, and he managed to put some distance between them.

Two more twisty turns and he was nearly home Free. The TARDIS lay not one meter in front of him, parked between two vending machines.

What a disaster this had been. And he'd only had two glasses of Gelstian sun wine! He made a vow with himself then and there to never touch the vile stuff again.

Suddenly he was pushed forward. The doors to the TARDIS rattled as he was slammed against them and held pinned there by a righteously furious woman.

"How did-?" The Doctor sputtered.

"I took the stupid shoes off." Arial growled and pressed his face even harder against the TARDIS door.

"Ow OW!" The Doctor protested.

"Shut up! We're not finished yet." She hissed poisonously. "Not until you tell me every last detail about that album and _Who. You. Are._" She eased up pressure and took a marginal step back. Affording him room to turn around and face her.

"… You really don't want me to do that." Said the Doctor, in a surprisingly serious tone of voice.

"That's funny, because I thought-" She began.

"No, you really don't. Trust me on this." The doctor reiterated. He turned around now, and his eyes were truly regretful. Another cold feeling crept over Ariel, replacing the hot anger that had been there a second ago.

It was obvious that the photo album must have been forged. It was all too… weird.

But why? And why was this man so convincingly sorry about the whole thing?

She swallowed hard.

"You seem to know a lot about me." She said, her voice as quiet as his now. The Doctor didn't answer, so Ariel took a deep breath and continued on. "Tell me who you are."

"I told you who I am." He said, all traces of the smile long since wiped from his face.

"No, you told me you were the Doctor, whatever that's _supposed_ to mean. What kind of person shows up at a wedding with a photo album from the brides _next_ wedding?" She asked pointedly.

The Doctor seemed to steel himself. "I'm a time traveler." He said very seriously. "I was literally just at your next wedding. I just popped into the TARDIS to get you a copy of the photo album from a few days in the future and… Well to tell you the truth I guess I was a bit smashed." He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Anyway, inputted the wrong coordinates. Got back to the wrong wedding."

Ariel felt like she was left bobbing in the middle of the ocean. She had no idea how she got here, or what to do about it now. The best she could do was try to keep her head above water.

"Okay so, let me get this straight." She said, holding her hands in front of her as if to steady herself. "You are a time traveler. You travel in time. For some reason you show up at my second wedding, get drunk, go back in time and gate crash my first wedding."

"Um... Yes. More or less." Now the Doctor looked even more awkward. Ariel could hardly care less how he felt.

"Did you gate crash my second wedding too?" She demanded. "I mean, wouldn't I _remember_ you?"

"I… Think you did actually. Oh… now it makes sense." He rubbed his jaw absently, as if massaging some painful bruise.

"This is… This is stupid!" Arial yelled, finally reaching the end of her rope.

"Yes well, I told you you didn't want to know." The Doctor said again. Ariel buried her face in her hands and took another deep breath.

"No. You're right. I don't even want to know. I want you to go. Now. Call a cab and just get out of here."

The Doctor remained silent for a few moments before answering. "Alright." He said in the same quiet tones as before. "Alight I'm going."

But he didn't walk past her and leave the hallway. Instead he turned around and unlocked the wooden doors behind him. For the first time Arial really noticed what it was she'd smashed the Doctor into. It had just been part of the scenery before.

"_What,_ is that?" She scoffed. The Doctor pushed the door open and Ariel caught a glimpse of what looked like a lot of complex machinery, and a _LOT_ of space. More than the relatively small blue box could account for.

The Doctor stepped inside and turned to face her, cutting off most of her view of what lay within. "I'm sorry." He said again. "I really am very sorry." He shut the door.

Ariel was left standing dumbstruck for a few moments. Just as she was ready to snap back to reality and march up to those blue doors, she heard a bizarre sound. Strange more for the situation than for the sound itself, which was rather like a stalled car engine trying to turn over, actually.

Her eyes widened and her breath stopped as the blue police box in front of her started to fade away. With each turn of the engine it got less and less corporeal, until finally it was like it had never been there at all.

She stood barefoot in the dark hallway for a long time, just staring at the dirty wall. Eventually autopilot kicked in and started steering her back towards the dance hall. She even picked up her shoes on the way, though later she couldn't remember doing it.

The pulsing sound of the latest dance song on the list came through muted to her. Everything was muted. Right up until someone took her warmly by the hand.

"Hey there you are sweetheart!" Ariel shook the haze from her head and looked at Ernie as if she hadn't seen him in a hundred years. He looked more or less the same as he had a few minutes ago. A little less sweaty than before, and his black bowtie as undone, but still the same loving, playful man sitting on top of the world.

"Ernie I… Hi." She managed. Ernest's brow furrowed and a look of concern spread over his face.

"Hey, Ariel, Madison was telling me that there was some weirdo hanging around here talking to you two before. Wouldn't say what of though. Did he upset you?"

Oh yes. That weirdo had upset her very, very much. But she didn't want Ernest to know anything about the album, or how real it probably was. "Yeah no, he's gone. No problem. Just… had a bit too much to drink I think."

"Oh, do you uh, want to leave or…?" Ariel opened her mouth to say no, but shut it. The whole dance hall seemed, maybe not sinister, but somehow alien now.

She nodded her head quickly. "Yeah, please? Let's go."

The car ride to the hotel and the wedding night were not exactly ideal for Ariel. She tried to put all foreboding thoughts out of her head and enjoy herself. But long after she and Ernest and settled down for the night. Long after he had drifted off, Ariel was still left awake with her thoughts.

She'd really met a time traveler today. It wasn't a dream, it wasn't drink. A time traveler had really shown up on her wedding day, basically to say that it wouldn't last. Her mind flew through millions of different scenarios for how it could happen.

Would she catch him cheating on her one day? Would she find out he had a violent temper she'd never seen before? Would she be the one that did the leaving? What if he died?

She clenched her pillow a little tighter when that particular thought floated past.

Why was her wedding so far in the future? And where was it held anyway? She hadn't heard of whatever the Doctor had called it before, but she would be the first to admit she didn't know everything about her own planet. Oh, that was a thought. If it was so far in the future mightn't it have been on another planet? She dismissed the idea as too weird to deal with right now.

Her mind continued on in that vein until the sun started peeking through the flowing curtains. But after the long restless night, she had finally made a decision.

Ernest rolled over in bed and draped his arm around her midsection. He kissed her affectionately on her bare shoulders. "G'monin'." He said softly.

Ariel rolled over and faced him, a small tired smile on her lips. "Hey you." She leaned up and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"So," he said leaning his head on his hand and just drinking in the sight of his wife. "You ready for what comes next?"

An almost humorless smile replaced her previous one. "What, you mean the laundry doing and the telly watching and kids or no kids argumenting?" She asked.

Ernest pouted.

"Well yeah, there will be a bit of that. But I like to think we can make it a little more, don't you?"

Ariel got up on her arms and leaned into him again, this time giving them both a much longer kiss. When she pulled away and Ernests head was still reeling she leaned in close to his ear and whispered.

"Yes, I do. For better or for worse."


	2. A most important AN

Oh god I wrote a crack fic. _

Want to know why?

It's a convoluted if not adorable story.

It all started several years ago.

My sister and I have always had a habit of creating elaborate inside jokes. One day we decided that when I was of marrying age, I was going to end up hitched to a French aristocrat with a hot air balloon.

The joke surfaced from time to time, but was more or less forgotten.

Fast forward a few years.

I had a job babysitting my friends little girl every few days for about a year.

While the girl and I didn't always see eye to eye, I have to admit that playing make-believe with her was refreshingly fun.

In one of the reoccurring scenario's that she constructed, I was the captain of a small star ship. I was married to the ships mechanic (Played by a life sized doll of Ernie from Sesame street.) We had to save a bunch of alien ambassadors from an elaborate assassination plot, but were betrayed by a Princess (played by a large green frog) who was actually working for the bad guys. But now I'm off topic.

My sister and I laughed about this a lot, until suddenly she asked if I remembered being married before.

I said no, Ernie was my first, and as far as I knew, only husband.

Then she reminded me of the French aristocrat! Shocking! D:

I insisted that it must not have happened yet, but she pointed out that we had pictures to prove it. (She had drawn a picture of the wedding a while ago.)

After some debate, we came to the conclusion that a drunk time traveling gate crasher must have shown up at my first wedding with pictures of my next. It was all very bittersweet, because somehow we came to the conclusion that Ernie was going to die in a horrible accident maybe four years from then. So I had to go through my whole wedding knowing this awful secret, and keeping it from my husband.

At the time Doctor who was playing, and I was still kind of getting into it.

It just so happened that on the night that my sister and I had unraveled most of the mystery of my two weddings, an episode came on where in the Doctor said- _"I'm rubbish at weddings. Especially my own."_

"IT WAS YOU!" I yelled, pointing at the screen. My sister was as shocked as I was.

And so now we knew.

Spool a few years forward, to a place we shall henceforth refer to as "now."

Doctor Who has always been a mild reoccurring fandom for me. But ever since the sketch project I've been working on at my deviantart account (see profile for link), it's sort of claimed a bigger chunk of my heart.

I wanted to write something short for it, since I'm already trapped in finishing a three part epic Transformers fanfiction. :S

But the only really short story I could think of was this one.

It's crack, but I figured what the heck.

The characters are not really based on Ernie and me anymore, though I kept his name for silliness's sake.

Also, I originally wrote the Doctor as 10, but decided later to use 11. So that, along with the fact that this is my first Doctor Who fanfiction ever may account for my not getting either of them quite right. Sorry about that. ^.^;

Anyway! That is the story of the story. I hope all of this was at least a little amusing! :)

And if you've got the time, reviews are always nice. ;)


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